I was just thinking about how horrible most SUV’s looked when it occurred to me to make a top ten list of the ugliest monsters on the road. This is actually much more challenging than it sounds. There really isn’t a whole lot that separate these SUV’s aesthetically except for grills and taillights, but I think my list represents a pretty sizeable chunk of the most horrible looking creations on four wheels. I should quickly mention that it is painfully hard to make an SUV that is not ugly. Personally I like SUVs that are more utilitarian and really haven’t been styled much at all. It is the SUV’s that are styled to look utilitarian but aren’t at all that really bug me.
1. Pontiac Aztec (2001-2005)
Designed by committee, need I say more!
2. Hummer H2 (2003-present)
Oh let me count the ways that I hate this “wish I was an H1 Hummer” Hummer. It is bulbous and offensive, and not nearly as capable as its older brother. Not to mention that you rarely see them doing anything that necessitates the use of four wheel drive.
3. Buick Rendezvous (2002-present)
This is really similar to the Aztek but horrible enough in its own right to make the list. Amazing that one parent company can produce two vehicles that are so distinctly ugly in different ways.
4. Chevy Avalanche (2002-2006)
I guess this is more of an SUT, but that doesn’t change the fact that it is horrible. It looks like a 5 year old got loose in daddy’s model car boxes and built his own creation.
5. Subaru B9 Tribeca (2005-present)
The grill alone makes me want to upchuck. I believe the designer previously worked for Alfa Romeo and just flipped the classic Alfa grill upside down. It will take more than that to make this Subaru even remotely attractive.
6. Lincoln MKX (2007)
I don’t know if it’s the tail light that stripes all the way across the back or the recessed front grill/headlight treatment complete with unibrow chrome on top, but something about this new Lincoln rubs me the wrong way.
7. Mercury Mountaineer (second and third gen. 2002-present)
In its first generation the Mountaineer was simply a rebadged Ford Explorer, still not pretty but tolerable. Then Mercury decided to set the Mountaineer apart with some unique styling. Congratulations, this thing stands out like a pimple faced teenager at a super model convention.
8. Nissan Murano (2003-present)
I actually didn’t realize the hideousness of this vehicle until I was searching around Nissan’s website. This thing looks like it crashed into the forest where ugly sticks are harvested.
9. Dodge Nitro (2007)
I was going to put the Durango on my ugly SUV list, but then I saw the new Nitro. The motto for the Dodge Nitro is “Go Bold or Go Home”. See you guys at my house. I guess “bold” sells, but to me the gargantuan plastic flares look cheap and the tall roof line and narrow headlights give the Nitro horrible proportions. This is one horrendous looking ride.
10. Toyota FJ Cruiser (2007)
Last but not least is a vehicle that many people think looks great, not me. I must admit I like the original FJ 40 Land Cruisers. Much like my Jeep they were simple and functional vehicles, but I would never accuse one of being attractive, my Jeep either for that matter. The simple fact is I like these vehicles because they go places normal trucks can’t, and as a result the ugly look has grown on me. Now the FJ Cruiser looks like a bad plastic caricature of the old FJ40 and frankly I think it’s insulting to the old Toyota. I doubt that the new Cruiser is anywhere near as capable as the trusty old FJ’s.
Well that’s my list; I know many will disagree so let’s hear what you think.
ugly, top ten, SUV, ugliest SUV, Pontiac Aztek, Hummer H2, Buick Rendezvous, Chevrolet Avalanche, Subaru B9 Tribeca, Lincoln MKX, Mercury Mountaineer, Nissan Murano, Dodge Nitro, Toyota FJ Cruiser