Nope, I’m not talking about a girls backside, I’m referring to the JL421 Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank that was spotted for sale on Amazon.com. Actually I have to give some props to my little sis’ for putting me on the trail of this amazing vehicle. I’ve read the ad over several times and I still don’t know if it is a joke or legit.
Here are the features as listed:
- Carries cargo or a crew of up to five internally or on the roof.
- Piloted from within the armored shell or from an exposed standing position through the hatch.
- 6hp Tecumseh gasoline engine, top speed 40 mph.
- Includes head/tail and turn signal lights, trim and under body lighting.
- 400 watt premium sound with PA system, plush interior, and external camera.
And here is the text description:
The JL421 Badonkadonk is a completely unique, extremely rare land vehicle and battle tank. Designed with versatility in mind, the Donk can transport cargo or a crew of five internally or on the roof, and can be piloted from within the armored shell or from an exposed standing position through the hatch, thanks to special one-way steel mesh armor windows and a control stick that pivots up and down to allow piloting from the standing or seated positions. The interior is fully carpeted and cozy, with accent lighting and room for up to five people. A 400 watt premium sound system with PA is mounted to project sound both into the cabin and outward from behind the windows. The exterior is a steel shell with a rust patina, and features head and tail lights, turn signal lights, trim lighting, underbody lighting, fixed slats protecting the windows, and a unique industrial-strength rubberized flexible skirt that shields and protects the wheels to within an inch of the ground, while still allowing for enough flex to give clearance over bumpy and uneven terrain. Master power, ignition, all lighting, and stereo features are controlled from a single switchboard to the left of the driver, again accessible from either the seated or standing position. Standard drive is an air-cooled, 6hp Tecumseh gasoline (unleaded only) engine, with centrifugal clutch, giving the Donk a top speed of 40 mph. This vehicle is not licensed for use on public roads, and is intended as a recreational vehicle only. Badonkadonks are produced on an order-by-order basis, with each one having its own unique set of features. With your order is included unlimited consultations with the designer and manufacturer concerning all relevant options (a representative from NAO will contact you shortly after your order). Price does not include shipping and handling.
After reading the description I kept thinking this thing was for real. Even though I have my doubts about a 6 horsepower motor propelling an 1100 pound vehicle plus driver up to 40 mph, the rest is quite believable. But after reading some of the product reviews it was hard to take the Donk seriously.
Here are a couple samples:
It shouldn’t come as a shock that NAO Design is shutting down one of the two production lines in their leased, 2,500 square-foot space in an abandoned movie theater; the Badonkadonk is a lemon. Despite NAO’s claim that “The Badonkadonk can plow mercilessly through 4 feet of solid concrete while it’s owner-friendly construction shields the driver from excessive cabin noise,” I got a sofa stuck in the wheels while trying to ram through my neighbor’s living room to steal some Twinkies. And I couldn’t hear my Celine Dion for the life of me.
That was just the first-day’s problems. On day two I realized the Badonkadonk’s advertised “Comfort Zone, Climate Control” is nothing more than 6-inch slits covered with impenetrable safety glass. Try dealing with that on a thirty-minute trip to the pediatrician to treat your 3-year-old’s atrocious gas. My eyelashes nearly melted off (although, truth be told, the trip would have taken over an hour if the Badonkadonk wasn’t bashing through morning traffic).
On a positive note, the brown/rust/oxidation finish is as luxurious in person as in the photos.
Have you ever wanted to be the dictator of an obscure country whose name you can’t pronounce, only to realize you don’t have the appropriate armaments in your suburban garage to give you that tactical advantage? Let’s face it: installing that leaf blower and shop vac in the wife’s SUV just isn’t going to get the job done and will probably only lead to ridicule.
Now, thanks to the good people at NAO Design, you have access to a device that can make your third-world conquests a reality. Granted, the Donk won’t go head-to-head with a modern Abrams M1A2 fitted with the Urban Survival Kit upgrade, but in field tests against Russian-made T-72s, it performed admirably. Survivability was significantly improved with the installation of depleted uranium armor in key areas. The addition of a German-designed Rheinmetall AG 120 mm smoothbore gun made it possible to take out adversaries from nearly 4000 meters away.
Pros: The stock 6HP Tecumseh engine and drive train can be retrofitted fairly easily with an electric motor drive system powered by a surplus Russian-built Strontium-90 Radioisotope Thermoelectric Generator (RTG). That change out pushed the top speed of my Donk to over 92 MPH (though I did also have to upgrade to “R” speed rated all-season tires). Plus, with a half-life of 28.8 years, I’ll be ready for a new cruiser by the time the fuel is no longer viable.
The soundtrack to Top Gun totally rocks on the 400 watt sound system as I charge into battle! Sometimes I also like to play it on the external PA system to confuse and disorient the enemy.
Cons: Cup holders are too small for the 64oz mega-size slurpees I like to take into combat zones. No trip odometer. A digital dashboard display for the outside temperature would be nice, as would dual-zone climate control. Oh, and the glove box is too small for my gas mask.
According to Amazon there are only two more Badonkadonks left in stock. So grab that $20,000 that you have stuffed under the sofa and go buy your very own fully customized Donk.
Star Wars, Jabba, Badonkadonk, Donk, Amazon